I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
