even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
