So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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