I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
