first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize