I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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