I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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