you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
