He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
