haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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