Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
