yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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