Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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