Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
