sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
