there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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