I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
