I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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