There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
