? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
