toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize