It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
