Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
