just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
