please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
