I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize