he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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