It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
