haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
