hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You made out with two different species that night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
