Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
