Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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