My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
