seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
