I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
