a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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