Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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