Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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