my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
