I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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