I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
