I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
