oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You smell like stripper and shame
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
