I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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