ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
