she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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