I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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