last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
