He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
