i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
