You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
nutella sex= disaster
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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