u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
