I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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