why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is it because I queefed?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
