all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
