I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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