You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
