Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
