Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
