i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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