i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
