Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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