we made out on top of his cat.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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