i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
