Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
