I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Panties = found
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