God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
