I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
