omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
