I hate all girls vehemently.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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