I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
