i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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