She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
