you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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