somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
