Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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