..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
