this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
