How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
