its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
