so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
