I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
