i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
