One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
