wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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