1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
