So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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