My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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