Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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