What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
do nipples grow back?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
