Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
