You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
