Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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