I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
